God I’m Gorgeous!

Do you ever just look at yourself and think, “God, I’m gorgeous!”? If not, it’s time to start.

I find myself sneaking glances at myself in the mirror and not to critique, but to check myself out. God I look good sometimes!

This is new for me..praise. And it gives me that beaming sense of love the burrows up from my tummy to the edges of my smile. You know, that warm and fuzzy feeling….. I’m in love. I’m in love with myself. My wide hips and round bum, from my collar bones to my cute belly. I wouldn’t say I’m the epitome of beauty that most people would consider: thin with a gap between my legs, a flat belly etc. I used to want that.

I would use that image of ‘the perfect body’ to motivate me to eat right, to exercise. When I have a flat stomach and defined waist line I can wear a bikini, I can be whole and happy. After years of trying it failed, and I’m left at square one. But then I heard about this guilt-free lifestyle, this way of treating yourself with love and patience – like you would a child. A child will rebel if you choose to scold it for simply looking a certain way. It’s cruel, and it is more complex than hating your body.

You’re hating yourself, something so valuable and something that only comes once ever in the entire universe.

Freeing yourself from the trap of self-loathing and bitter resentment the results from a rebellious body that wants only the loving attention it needs to succeed.

If you want to lose weight, that’s fine. But you will find that being at peace with your body now, your body 2 months from now will create a happiness and balance you never thought existed. It may be corny, but falling in love with yourself-ALL of yourself, is a challenge worth seeking.

Take away comparisons, magazines that lead you to creating this mystically perfect body. Look at these people in the eyes and ask yourself if their happy. Spend 10 minutes a day naked. Admire the beautiful skin, the cute freckles randomly printed on your curves and angles, the way your body naturally moves and feels on your fingertips is a treasured person with a mind and spirit like a goddess. Her capacity to love only flows so freely when she loves this gorgeous body of hers.

Perfect is me right now, in this moment, thankful for a smokin’ hot bod.

I’m going to let you read my Journal

You know better than anyone that taking care of myself and inspiring others to do the same is important to me.

My journey to find balance is commencing. I’m way too all or nothing, and it’s dangerous. Learning to break bad habits takes time and patience. But breakthroughs are exciting.. I’m sharing something with you that I normally wouldn’t. But I find I must be honest and well, I just feel comfortable with you guys. This is where my heart is at.

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I must approach my diet and exercise as I do my business. I’m not allowing my fear to control it. In every aspect of my life I need to approach like I do my business and my brand.

How do I want to feel?

Beautiful, light, put together, organized, honest, stylish, accomplished, strong, flexible, mastered, balanced.

What can I do today and everyday to make me feel like this now? I don’t have to wait. I can feel this way now. How?

Cook vegetables, exercise 20 minutes a day, keep variety, be feminine. Decide everyday that this IS who I am, because it is who I want to be..I don’t have to wait.

I’m afraid of committing to something that I’ll end up revolting. I make what I want to do my worst enemy, a trap. I insistently create a lifestyle to the point of contempt. I create walls and expectations for myself that I cannot fulfill. I make a perfect picture that I cannot live up to. I am not perfect, I cannot fulfill this.

Eat vegetables, write blogs, wear lipstick, do yoga, cry when I’m sad, laugh when I’m tickled, sweat and shower, clean until I’m satisfied…love what I do so I can love the world around me and the person that I am.

And when I feel like I’m a failure, I’ll remind myself that it is not true and this feeling is only temporary.

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I share this with you because I’m not perfect, and I want you to know that neither are you. You have your own giants. These are mine, some of them anyway. So keep in mind that perfection is a terrible word, and we should strive to be anything but. Be who you are, what is in your nature to be, and you will be the most happy.

I’ll be honest with you: I’m really out of shape

I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. I’m either running everyday OR my house is clean. I’m eating really healthy OR I remember my Mom’s birthday. Never both. Never altogether.

I don’t know if you watch the show 30 Rock, but my favorite character, Liz Lemon. Her whole dilemma is to acquire “the package”. The perfect man, being in shape, organizing her life, having a stress free job, etc. Everything WE want right? My favorite of all her quotes is “I can do it! I can have it all!”

And that’s what I want to feel like. That I can have it all. But the more I try the more difficult it is. I’m racing around trying the perfect routine, set schedule, meal plan, workout regimen, phone alert system, APP that I can find that will be my ticket to perfect balance.

Guys I’m as clueless as anyone on how to achieve it. I’ll be honest with you, I’m really out of shape!

In EVERY area of my life. But here I am preaching about balance and healthy food, and yoga and I’m as beginner as they come. Don’t get me wrong-I’m very proud of how far I’ve come: loosing weight, learning new vegetable recipes, exercising more, learning how to take care of myself. But after I give it my ALL, I find I’m giving NOTHING. (All or nothing..get it?)

Where’s the balance? What is this balance I keep hearing about. My professor from college told us that “It’s one thing to know how to do something, and another to do it.” In other words, you don’t know anything until you’ve done it and practiced it. So I’m confessing to you all that I know nothing about balance.

There is one thing that I know: and that’s me. I know who I am and what I like. I know I am an all or nothing person, that I can’t do the same thing for an extended period of time. I know that I like to sweat and then shower because it makes my bones feel warm. I know I love eating junk food when I know I’ve eaten well and have earned it. I like having energy all day long. I don’t like smoothies and I love to drink wine!

Balance is being pleased with the time that you spend on the things that make you feel alive. Now, doing it? Pfft. I couldn’t tell you. But I think the better you know yourself the easier it will be.

What makes you feel alive?

Do it. Take a picture. And post it with #imhappening on instagram or Facebook and you may be featured on my website!

 

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Soap Box Edition

One year, 2 pants sizes and a nasty pair of hand-me-down Nike’s later; this broad ran a 5k.

I know it’s only like 3 point 2 or some-odd miles, but I’m pretty proud of myself. Since these new shoes I can actually last 2 miles on the route without my shins screaming at me. Now that I’m working 50 hours a week, I can honestly say I’m dedicated to exercise. If I can do it in the precious time I have left, I can do anything.

When I think of this last year, I’m a little flabbergasted (yeah I just said that word). I released 40 lbs, eliminated tons of shit from my diet, said goodbye to my dear Big Mac and took responsibility for my unhappiness with myself. I’m learning of the things in my life I can control and the things I can’t. And this is something I have a lot of control over. It’s amazing how much we play the victim in our own movies. “I was born with a genetic predisposition,” “My parents fed me McDonald’s,” “I have a slow metabolism” – as ADULTS people talk like this. Taking yourself out of the victim role and into the hero role, you’ll be appalled at what you can do. It’s time to grow up. Take responsibility for what you have and what you were given and run with it. And the worst thing you can do is compare yourself to other people. YOU have the control to get off your sorry ass and make yourself happy. What you can’t control, well your just going to have to deal with it because you always do, and own up to it, because it could be SO much worse!

Anyway, I didn’t intend to get on my sappy soap box. But I am learning that it’s a process, and what you’re going through right now is supposed to happen. It was intended to so that you could learn something, and take something with you on your next trip. Isn’t that relieving? It’s not happening TO me, but for me. I’m discovering self-awareness and growth like a BOSS. Life is too short, I only have 70 years left, and this is all I have to show for my first 24, so I don’t pretend to be anything but grateful and determined to get better and better. I want to be authentic and content.

“Be as you wish to seem.”
-Socrates-